I'm drawn to the word "manifesto." The word carries weight. According to Merriam-Webster, a manifesto is a "written statement declaring publicly the intentions, motives, or view of its issuer."
On my 7th wedding anniversary, I wrote and dedicated this manifesto to my husband Eric, an independent thinker whose mind refuses to be limited by convention, paradigms, traditions; a brilliant body-worker who refuses to take credit for his talents; a courageous and dedicated athlete whose body unabashedly robbed him of his physical movements but never his spirit. My husband is a man of integrity.
I am my husband's biggest fan. But I'm not delusional to think that his shit doesn't stink. His shit stinks just as much as anyone else's, but that does not negate his courage, brilliance, talents, and generosity. I am his biggest fan in spite of all his flaws.
For our 7th anniversary, I ponder the "perfect gift." Neither of us gives much credence to "gifting by calendar-occasions," but a present any time of the year is always welcome and appreciated. For me, the more presents for no reasons, the better!!
Just for shits and giggles, I looked up traditional symbols and "acceptable" gifts for the 7th anniversary: traditional gifts can be made of copper or wool, and a modern gift can be - wait for it - a desk set!! A DESK SET. (Insert eyes roll) Well, how about a copper desk set wrapped in a wool blanket!? Perhaps not.
Eric is my life partner who also holds a more common title "husband." Conventional paradigm would have me wish or believe that he should be the "love of my life" or "one true love" or "the most important person." I do not believe in such definitive grandeur; not any more. I have grown to acknowledge such a statement is not only unnecessary but perhaps superfluous. Not only is it unnecessary to quantify and compare his position with others by ranking his importance, it is also impossible. This has not always been my belief. My paradigm was filled with fairy tales, perhaps under years of influence by traditional marketing and advertising of TV commercials, Disney movies, fictional stories, societal expectations, religious confinement, insecurity, and more.
Our journey together over a decade has enabled me to develop a healthy sense of security and self-assurance. It taught me there is absolutely no need to be ranked as "number one." There is no meaningful value to be "the most important." And there is no substance to be the "love of his life." When there is no demand and expectation of such, the energy flows freely without obstruction. Marriage is not a contest; the prize is not bragging rights.
My journey with Eric through the years also constantly challenges me to examine the tribes with which I associate myself, and the acts of constant "detribalization," so I may learn to think for myself. Our marriage partnership demands open discussions of tribal expectations, fears, disappointments, and desires. Our journey together accepts no short cuts. As a result, I benefit. Over the years and through our marriage I greatly improve my awareness of myself and others, my communication, my emotions. I become more deliberate, more aware. I become vocal and purposeful. It is more than finding my voice; it is becoming "my own." I love the person I am becoming.
Our marriage is not just rainbows and unicorns. One ordinary but fateful morning eight years ago, he got robbed, figuratively speaking. He woke up, and he couldn't move. Hell flooded my home that morning. If there were any gods, they robbed my husband of his physical strength, his health, the adventurous and active lifestyle that gives this man the most joy. They robbed this world a precious, useful, beautiful gem. I never forgave any of them gods. Nor will I ever.
Moving freely and gracefully is Eric's first love; it always will be. Being his wife, witnessing his daily courage, perseverance, and diligence in finding a prognosis; watching him constantly meditate and strive for relief; making himself available to help anyone who asks him for help to relieve THEIR physical and emotional pain; watching him to always live IN the moment. Our journey fully rids me of any self-pity.
I become completely intolerant of laziness, whining, entitlement, ingratitude. My personal growth through his horrendous experience is simple yet profound: I make no postponement for joy, however tiny, with my husband. I take complete responsibility for the many hours I spend at work - the time I am most alert and creative - to make sure it is every bit for MY benefits and personal satisfaction. I expect no miracles from others but I accept no excuses of incompetence. I make extra efforts to express my gratitude openly, freely, repeatedly. I don't sweat the small stuff. My growth is simple, yet profound.
Moving freely and gracefully is Eric's first love; it always will be. Being his wife, witnessing his daily courage, perseverance, and diligence in finding a prognosis; watching him constantly meditate and strive for relief; making himself available to help anyone who asks him for help to relieve THEIR physical and emotional pain; watching him to always live IN the moment. Our journey fully rids me of any self-pity.
I become completely intolerant of laziness, whining, entitlement, ingratitude. My personal growth through his horrendous experience is simple yet profound: I make no postponement for joy, however tiny, with my husband. I take complete responsibility for the many hours I spend at work - the time I am most alert and creative - to make sure it is every bit for MY benefits and personal satisfaction. I expect no miracles from others but I accept no excuses of incompetence. I make extra efforts to express my gratitude openly, freely, repeatedly. I don't sweat the small stuff. My growth is simple, yet profound.
Our trying journey also helped me develop an acute awareness and empathy of other's emotional and physical sufferings.
For various reasons, we prefer to celebrate our anniversary on May 23rd, the day we went on our first date, hiking the foothill in Boise, ID. The calendar date or year is entirely unimportant, let alone the kind of traditional or acceptable anniversary gift it brings. Never postpone joy, however tiny it may be.
On this day, my official 7th wedding anniversary, I have picked the perfect gift for my husband: An account of my gratitude and personal growth attributed to him, and our journey together.
