The laundry is washed, dried, and folded. The suitcase is packed away. Photos are imported and organized. Souvenirs - distributed.
It felt like the European Excursion could have ended weeks ago. I no longer wake up at 0530 automatically, although I am still feeling a bit hungry for some pierogi z mięsem… (pierogi with meat) I think I will forever be hungry for just one more pierogi z mięsem.
The only thing left to do is to write the epilogue for my Central/Eastern European Excursion.
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Half way into my “excursion”, I noticed I have a restored sense of confidence and curiosity. I came home curious like a two-year-old, and a greater desire and attitude to challenge the conventional “wisdom”. Less afraid. NOT “fearless”, but less afraid, less concerned. It is an important difference so I must clarify. This attitude, or the positive energy, allows for an expanded ability and capacity for new experiences. It feels different - and more - than being “refreshed”, as most people would associate with say, a vacation.
To be sure, I looked up the definition. The dictionary defines “refresh” as “giving new strength or energy to; reinvigorate” as in “I awoke feeling calm and refreshed” or “the shower had refreshed me.” The definition implies the added energy or strength could be temporary. Not definitely, but possibly, temporary. At some point, the “refresh-ness” could end and the old state of the pre-refreshed could return.
As a result, I decided to forgo using the word “refreshed” because it is not how I feel. At least I hope not. Words are powerful, so expressing with the right words is important.
I feel the regeneration at a deeper, fundamental level. It is a more acute sense of clarity and awareness about myself. Everything begins with self-awareness. Everything. Without it, a person will not and cannot become aware of anything or anyone else: Other people, his surrounding, and the world around him. Calling my “situation” a transformation seems equally inappropriate, and frankly, a bit commercial and cliche. A transformation is a state at which point the subject becomes something entirely different; a "thorough or dramatic change in form or appearance" according to the dictionary.
I did not “transform” either. I certainly did not go through a dramatic change in appearance. To start, I still look hot…
I can think of one remote analogy of my “situation” but it is not exactly pretty. Actually it is rather gross. It is like Jeff Goldblum in the 1986 horror film The Fly, but without the gruesome details of the “Brundlefly” and its vomit enzyme… I feel like my changes are occurring at a molecular level so the metamorphosis would take place permanently, not temporarily. Somewhat like the housefly’s DNA taking over Goldbrum’s character Seth Brundle’s human DNA in the movie. In time, the character started to exhibit fly-like characteristics, his latter and new state.
My point here is that I am not a “new” or "transformed" person, because I have not “turned into” anything new or gruesome. It is just, different. Not a “better” person, just a person with better clarity and self-awareness. My view on certain things has received different perspectives: my surroundings, my place in the world, those with whom I come into contact, friends or strangers.
I have shared this fundamental shift with a few and most concluded that I will end up doing something different for a living by the end of my sabbatical. Notwithstanding the differences, I honestly do not think it needs to be so drastic. And, the “what” is not the core issue. The core issue is “how”. I have begun to view and understand people and issues with a slight bit more clarity. In time and practice, I will become better at it. It is, after all, a behavior that can be learned and improved, but not without self-awareness, clarity, and hard work.
May be it was Praha; may be it was me. May be it was the pierogis. May be there is no need to label it, nor is there a requirement to identify the source.
Is it possible that I am approaching a Tipping Point similar to how Malcom Gladwell examined and described as social epidemics: Things can happen all at once, and little changes can make a huge difference.
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