Solo Road Trip - Epilogue

It's out of the ordinary order to publish an epilogue before the plot is written.  How rebellious of me; well-behaved women seldom make history... 

I tried something new this week.  I took a solo trip to Pocatello, ID.  The locals call it Poky.  Poky is a special place.  Eric spent his entire twenties and then some there, and established many significant friendships.  He led a great life in Poky.  He loved all the mountains, trails, and waters.  Wicked winters and scorching summers.  And of course, his circle of friends.  He flew, skied, biked, climbed, swam.  If there was anything to do with a mountain or a trail or a body of water, he probably got his hands and feet in it.  

I have no meaningful connection with Poky except the seeds of friendship he sowed for me years ago.  I decided to go there for connection.  For restoration.  In search of respite.

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Alex gave me a bear hug and twirled me around at his front door.  When I finally landed on my feet, slightly dizzy from the spin, he looked me in the eyes and said, "Dais, you know I love ya.  You KNOW that, right?"  Right away, I know, August Respite has arrived. 

In the last several months, I have gained a deep appreciation that friends appear and remain in my life for specific purposes.  Not reasons, but purposes.  As time progresses I feel deeply indebted to all the good people who stuck by me through my dark days and deep despair.  I feel indebted as there is no possible way I can ever repay what they have done for me - but repaying is unnecessary.  True friendship knows and needs no repayment.  

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Honest, open, meaningful conversations late into the night are healing and revealing.  Restoration and respite comes in times of need when one openly contributes to and accepts ideas.  The most significant gain of this journey was not the high of conquering a gruesome hike, or the breathtaking views.  It was not even the completion of a solo road trip.  It was the sprouting of new relationships through the exchange of feelings and emotions.  An exchange of thoughts requires participation from both parties.  Talk and listen.  Active and passive.  The vulnerability to expose own emotions and the courage to disagree opposing viewpoints.  I found respite in this community not because of any spoon-feeding.  I found respite because I actively participate in the healing process that my friends so willingly partner with me.  

Friends from all over the world appear and remain in my life for a specific purpose. Likewise, I appear and remain in theirs for a specific purpose. There is no free ride. I have begun to appreciate clearly that EACH of us is responsible to reciprocate that purpose with accountability.  Without excuses.  When I take each purpose seriously, responsibly, and lovingly, the focus shifts from the loss of Eric to the gain of many. One almost cannot appreciate the magnitude of such gain until one experiences the magnitude of such a loss.  

I dedicated my trip to Pocatello to my loving husband.  My gratefulness for the seeds of friendship he sowed.  I am incredibly grateful - and proud - of my courage to face all my insecurities, fear, and pain head-on, accepting no excuses or self-pity.  

I am my father's and my mother's daughter, after all. 

In loving memory and appreciation
of my husband, Eric Gilman