Stop Taunting Me!

The problem with making strong progress is that I do not accept myself to ever stop or digress, not because I'm too strong for it, but because I do not want to repeat what I have just gotten through.  It's just so hard.  SO HARD.  

Progress.  Stoppage.  Digress.  Progress. Stoppage.  Digress.  

The cold reality is that I will be on this repetitive cycle for as long as there are remaining breaths in me.  The Sisyphean efforts seem defeating.  So pointless. 

I finished Book One with no grand finale nor fanfare.  In fact it is anticlimactic.  So I started a sequel and called it...Book Two. 

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August 7.  Book Two.  Chapter One. 

The house is empty now.  The silence is deafening.  I felt incredibly alone yet I wanted zero company today.  I had no desire to talk to anyone, or hear my own voice for that matter.  



I did literally three things in eleven and a half hours:  I went for a skate.  I vacuumed the house. I took myself to dinner.  A tortoise could've finished everything in five. 



It is so much more complicated than "empty nest."  I do not have empty-nester syndrome.  It's just empty, with incredible holes and unbearable voids that constantly threaten to destroy my hard-earned progress.  And tauntingly send me back to Stop. 

We were supposed to congratulate and celebrate Kiddo's moving out today. Together.  You weren't here.  

You. Were. Not. Here.