Facebook has a feature that conveniently publishes my "Year in Review" with pictures. I didn't follow instructions, not willing to concede to the algorithm that randomly picks pictures supposedly important. The feature did prompt me to examine my year, although not in pictures, but in lessons.
Much has happened, yet nothing seemed truly significant in the grand scheme of things. I'm not sure what is in the "grand scheme" but it seems commonly referred to and understood. Sadly I've lost a few (more) good friends. I really hate losing smart friends. It appears morbid that the first thing came to my mind in reviewing 2015 is mortality. Losing good friends makes me pretty grateful that I get to wake up on the right side of the grass for another day. I learned to be more grateful today than I was yesterday.
I made a pretty good move in January. After 14 years, I left Starbucks and finally retired from corporate America. At 47, it seemed entirely too young and too early to utter the "R" word. But, my desire to create a different kind of joy has simply outweighed a career in corporate America. Besides, that path was no long relevant. I am proud and grateful for all that I have "accomplished" - whatever that means. But, I am more proud and more grateful that I stopped expecting myself to continue down an irrelevant path. Of apathy. I began to understand and appreciate not just who, but what I am becoming, and the courage it takes to live a life that matters to me. I learned how to say "fuck off" more often.
I released Eric's ashes in August, another good move. The moment I released his ashes, my heart was at complete peace. I felt nothing but love and gratitude. I was all at once joyful, grateful. I knew I did something for Eric that NOBODY else could do. The moment was mine. I learned that I had never been more proud of myself.
True to my words, I traveled extensively. I visited family, saw good friends and met new ones. Two international trips and nearly a dozen domestic excursions later, I learned that I am a fantastic solo traveler, and an equally fantastic companion.
I played many rounds of golf - the most I've played in twenty years. I learned that using color golf balls, especially orange ones, makes a better game. Every-single-time. As a volunteer teacher at PSCS, I learned more than I taught, and reaped more than I sowed. I laughed heartily with my students, staff, and fellow board members. I learned that kids teach me stuff that I don't learn from adults, and they tell me stories that keep me curious. I learned that I cannot possibly fail if I do things out of love.
I don't feel that I have created anything extraordinary in 2015. I have, however, lived another extraordinary year. I woke up every morning, had coffee, and my heart went on beating for 24 hours without skipping a beat. That, itself, was rather extraordinary. Perhaps the ability to find the amazement in those mundane minutes is what makes life, extraordinary.
